Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Randomize
