If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Randomize
