the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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