i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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