Your face is a jimmy john
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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