My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
