We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
