my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
