I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
