I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
