I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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