Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
