I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Randomize
