Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
