i think my tv is drunk
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
