oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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