mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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