a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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