none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
