ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
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