i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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