i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
