"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
