I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
