you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
