ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
