Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
She is in my trunk
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
