Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
