my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
You left your underwear on the fireplace
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
