I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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