When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize