His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
