You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
