By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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