I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
