I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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