Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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