??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
