you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
