i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize