so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
