is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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