Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
