I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
