Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
