I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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