something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
