he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
