4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize