Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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