Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
