I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
