Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
