A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
