you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
