I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
