the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
