Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
