currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
