Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
