Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
