I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
