we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
