I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
