this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
everyone is single if you try hard enough
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
